写好的post, 不想发了。 只是一件小事。

但它的确是一件小事，干吗大惊小怪？ 心情都被搞烦了。

唉

下雨天.想你.

前一段恋情结束时,有害怕过再也找不到一个更爱我的人. 也曾经怀疑过爱情是否能经得起起伏变化. 其实,没想过会和你在一起,虽然朋友都用怀疑的眼光看我. 她们说我提起你的语气,出卖了我,也预言了结局. 到现在, 还是无法想起我几时沦陷的. 也不明白为什么. 你总有天生的豁达,跟我紧张神经质的毛病截然不同. 你怎么样都好似 my total opposite.

但我似乎就是从你身上感觉到一种安全,一种坚定. 这感觉让我很安心. 直到现在,那感觉依然存在. 每当我发脾气,任性时,你总会要我把所有不开心的事告诉你. 你总是要我心平气和,你总要我理智地分析问题.你性格其实是跟我南辕北辙的, 你的理智经常让气头上的我更想抓狂. 但我也渐渐了解你解决争执时的心态,而且慢慢学会了珍惜有个这么耐心听我说话的你. 无聊愚蠢的事,你就会骂我笨,因为这种事在你眼里,根本不值得不开心. 你的包容,教导我不要钻牛角尖.

从一开始,就协议不庆祝任何节日,周年纪念等,不交换礼物. 看似奇怪的恋爱方式,其实我还蛮喜欢的. 不想让每个礼物变成一种烦恼, 情愿享受突如其来的浪漫. 你的细心,在买给我的项链里看到,在那本elmo 的日记本里感觉到. 我却好像忘记了要努力才能维持爱情的温度. 从前给你惊喜,如今却天天令你烦恼. 对不起.

你鲜少对我说爱我, 但你的言行举动足以大声说明. 所以我心里满满的都是爱, 放心的把心交给你.能和你携手度过未来的日子,我会是很幸福的. thanks darling.

即将毕业的心情，满复杂的。期待，因为此刻所需做的事堆积如山。总算要读完了，好累哦。但难免有一点失落，因为还未找到工作。近来又一直觉得自己必须，也应该长大了。不能再依靠父母打点一切，而是时候开始学习独立，成为一个他们感到骄傲的女儿。妈一直想一起出国的心理，也让我好苦恼。不想推却，但是若答应，并非百分之百打从心里愿意。

4年， 好快。
这段时间，似乎是我最自闭的几年。朋友没交到几个，或许是自己刻意的。没时间，没机会，应该都是借口。简单的，我只不过没力气，没心情,去开始并维持一段友情. 怎么会这样? 现在, 临别在即,才感觉有些遗憾.算了,从这里从新出发吧.

每个人应该都有属于自己的'comfort zone'.家就是我感觉最自在的小天地。昨晚回到家里时，已过了11点。前晚睡不好的疲倦，加上繁忙的功课量，让我精疲力尽。

看到已熟睡的爸妈，心里涌起许多感触。内疚，因为整周都没办法陪他们吃一顿饭。想念，因为好久都没好好和他们聊天。渴望，那只有家人能给的温暖。

留了字条给他们：爸妈，好累啊！星期六一起吃晚餐好吗？对不起，没时间陪你们 <3 慧。
早上，妈在出门前，进来房里亲吻我的额头，说了 love you, 不要太迟回家。爸在我那字条上回复了：女儿，坚持下去啊！

简单几个字，足以温暖我的心，给我继续下去的力气。

changed my blogskin finally. it kinda reflects me, but don't worry i'm not always knitting my brows together.

the evil cycle of school starts again tomorrow. 4 assignments/ presentations before end of march. divine help!

nice right? =D

bear with my spoilt skin first la. no time change

just the calculation of number of stages took up the whole day yesterday. design project is only 4 AUs, is it worth sacrificing my weekends? boo...

and thinking of encouraging ourselves, we went to pan pacific orchard for buffet. but the spread of food was not satisfying. the ambience of the place was quite nice though.




regret that we didn't take photos of the other buffet on wednesday. though we probably would look very smoky and oily. haha

didn't manage to talk to my parents much these few days, cause of the late hours i've been staying in school. today they've gone on a short kelong trip, and they'll be back tomorrow. i know that my mum would love for me to go, cause she repeatedly kept asking me along. but i really have too much to do. though i would've gone if i could, i cant help but feel a tinge of guilt.

本来有一些些反感，干吗为了仙人掌开花这种小事，一直要我拍照？但还是在上学前照做了。后来发现妈还特别要求同事来帮忙拍照，才意识到原来几张照片对爸的意义多大。爸也尽量不要让我觉得厌烦，只是留了字条提醒我拍照，也没有每晚追问。他这样简单的愿望也花不了多少时间，我怎么做不到？

幸运的，昨晚回家时，去了后院看看，拍到了第一朵盛开的花。 而今天再去看时，那朵已经开始枯萎了。明白了有些时候，该做的事，就应该去做。否则会后悔。 对父母的那片孝心也应该如此。

below are the more professional photos from mum's colleague.



disclaimer: the cactus is not taller than a HDB flat. its the angle. =_=



the 3 stages of that solitary blooming flower.

after pia-ing to hand in ten questions for our assignment, we've continue to pia for our design project. and then next week, we've to continue doing the remaining 11 questions of the assignment. and rush to finish our fyp poster, final report and get our design report out, inclusive of health and safety considerations, as well as cost analysis.

year 4 sem 2 sucks.

suddenly thought of this song, which kinda makes me emo just that little bit.

谁还记得　
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手　
说要一起走到最后
我们都忘了　
这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的　
有一天　有一天都会停的
让时间说真话
虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后　
我们都不知道会不会有遗憾
谁还记得　
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久　
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手　
说要一起走到最后
我们都累了　
却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑　
怎么说　怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么
也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人
等对方先说找分开的理由
谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中
看见了不同的天空
走的太远　
终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我　
要有两个相反的梦
谁还记得　
是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久
没人记得当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

i do not have enough sleep, and worse, i cant even take a nap! sad. but my lil bro is back! amazingly, he said india was fun =p

prof's comment on my fyp report was that it looks good. yay! at least i don't have to worry about final draft when the time comes.

but how to determine the column size of an absorber? the number of stages, the kind of plates? how to do 21 tutorial questions when i haven't been understanding much from lectures?

somehow, it'll pass, and i'll graduate. though to get a 4.8 gpa this semester to get second upper honours is like mission impossible. that will mean either A or A- for every subject.

on the job search front, things don't seem very encouraging either. that interview i went for can only confirm after one month, and they may be only recruiting one. boo, and the remaining companies that i sent my resume to doesn't seem to respond.

just praying hard. and to get well from this disgusting nose-dropping flu. last sem is so hard. though it will last for about 7 weeks more only. let's all persevere!

first interview tomorrow! hope it goes smoothly. of course hope can get the job, but the competition seems quite stiff. sharon went today, and the person said it'll take about one month to finish interviewing all the applicants. bleahz. hope to get a job before i grad! i need a job!

on a more positive note, FYP first draft is finally submitted. one less thing to worry about. but then again, boo. more deadlines are coming up within the next two weeks, and they are threatening to clash and bury us.

why is the last semester so hard? i only want to graduate!

couldn't and really didn't wanted to wake up for school. and now i'm realising that perhaps i should have gone to school to harass my post grad. it's kinda hard to write up something i don't really know.

since i missed 3 hours lecture today, perhaps i'll go for tomorrow's 1 hour. and also harass my post grad. fyp please end!

xim lai kia kia. boh bi bo dai ji.

茶杯里的风波终于得以平息。万分感激。决定学乖，不再发言或惹麻烦。只求风平浪静地去，平安无事地回。老天保佑，一行人能 come back with stronger friendships.

老妈子的心愿，下次希望能完成。

fyp is so tiring. but it's finally drawing to an end. before someone else stabs another professor. and before i keep having printing accidents and killing all the trees.

holidays are so damn hard to plan.

after shifting our travel dates to coincide with ty, we discussed about hotels. ty recommended metropark, and we were all ok with it. who knows, my dear bf doesn't like it cause of its past association with red light district. so now we've cancelled metropark and changed to cityview (which i've already booked!). even though plans are already settled, i feel kind of bad towards the girls. cause of all the trouble. boo

and the plans are only settled for the girls. i still have to plan and book for my mum, dad and maybe bf. i feel stressed up, cause i haven't book my air tixket to hong kong.

more stressed up fact is that fyp first draft is due next week. and i've written very little, and worse, i've very little else to write too. omfg.